I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
do nipples grow back?
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