Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
