Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
