I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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