oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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