oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
