Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
