PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
