Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
