So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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