Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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