just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
