Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's just like the Real World with babies
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
