and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
