We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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