I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
