I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I party with great urgency now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
