I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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