No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
