Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
