I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
