Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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