I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
