you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
