I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
