I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
