First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
