if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was born a porn star she said
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
