You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
