Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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