Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
