Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
