Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
