You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need moral support for this bender
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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