Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
