epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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