We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
