Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
