i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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