They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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