Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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