I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
