i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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