guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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