my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
