I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
