I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
