Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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