I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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