Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
