Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
