I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
