Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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