I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
