textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
